School’s been in session for just over a month now. And I’m seriously rethinking my path.
I failed my first Orgo exam.
There has been some serious wailing and gnashing of teeth on my part over my courses so far this semester. I’m amazed that the Boy hasn’t sent me packing for the roller coaster I’ve been on. The question of “Can I really do this?” has been one that I’ve uttered more times than I have fingers, just in the past month. Calculus has made me cry just about every week, and Physics hasn’t been much better. I actually thought I was going to do OK in Orgo…guess not.
After my epic failure, I went and talked to an advisor I trust, just to put a gauge on the issue and get some suggestions as to what might be my best course of action. She knows my goal is to get into a Pharmacy program, and Orgo is a required prereq. Her suggestion: withdraw from the course and take it (Orgo I & II) over the summer at a community college. Oh, and maybe re-evaluate my major.
Currently I’m declared as a Chemistry major. This involves a lot of math and science (obviously)…the math goes through Mulitvariable calculus and intro to linear algebra, and the science courses are pretty intense (along with Orgo I need Analytical chem and Physical chemistry.)
I want so hard to believe that I’m smart enough to do all that, but I may need just to realize that my brain is not the best for that. I’ve always wanted to have a math/science brain, and I believe in part that I do. I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others, but I do, all the time. I have friends who are PhD students in Math, engineers, statisticians, hell, I’m married to a genius. I want to believe that I have the ability to be that smart in that way. Maybe I just don’t.
I’m fighting really hard trying not to believe that I’m a failure because this is so difficult for me. I’m looking at my options as far as a change in major, one that will allow me to still obtain the pre-reqs I need for Pharm school, but still keep my sanity and perhaps preserve a decent GPA. Right now, though, it just feels like I’m an idiot.