Warning: Bumpy Road Ahead…

Please fasten your seat belts and know there may be some serious swearing ahead.

Let’s do a brief status update, shall we?  I’m officially 1 month post-op today, so it seems appropriate.

Physical healing:  |———¦–| 90% complete.

I only put 90% because I really am not privy to the state of the insides as, while my skin may be translucent, it is not transparent.  Things feel generally better, I move a lot better, and the majority of my bruising has disappeared, sending me back from technicolor to, well, pasty pale.  I’m still on some restrictions, as I’m being treated as a Cesarean section patient, without the benefit of having a baby at the end of it all.

Mental healing: ¦–|————| -10% complete

Yes, that is a negative sign in front of the 10. I am seriously fucked up in the head.  Way more than I expected to be.  Not only that, but it’s like it’s all hiding and comes out when I least expect it and at the most inopportune times.  It comes on suddenly and viciously to the point that sometimes I don’t know who I am.  It isn’t just because I lost a baby, though I will not deny that that is a good size part of it.  I’m also trying to wrap my head around the fact that I almost died.  DIED!!!!!  Really?  What the fuck?

In my attempts to get through this, there may be some more emotionally charged/ranty/angry posts in my future.  I may set them to password protect, I might not.  I don’t see the point in setting them to private, because that defeats my purpose in general, and it’s my blog and I can do what I want (see?  Unexpected.  Just as I typed that I was getting angrier and angrier.  It’s bizarre.)

Here’s the scoop.  If there is a post that is password protected, you are more than welcome to send me a message and ask for the password.  I’m not going to password protect them to make sure no one reads them…the opposite, in fact.  I’m doing it because they will not likely jive with general over-all witty banter I normally attempt to write with.  They might be dark for all I know…because sometimes my head feels very dark.  So, feel free to send me a message on FaceBook or Twitter, and I’ll share.  After all, I did at least pass Kindergarten.

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About maggyruth

Mid-thirties, Mid-Atlantic transplant. Fiber-artist, hidden poet, health educator, student. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I swear sometimes. Especially when I'm mad. Deal with it. View all posts by maggyruth

8 responses to “Warning: Bumpy Road Ahead…

  • Sairy

    I less than 3 ya sweets. Let me know if I can be of any help with anything. I’ll keep thinking about you and will take whatever you dish at me – crazy, angry, tears, you name it.

  • Carolyn Beall

    Vent away… I can not understand what you are going through but I can listen/read. It is important that you are able to get this stuff out… it may not be by blood …but u are my sister and I am here if you need to rant/rave/vent and even cuss a bit.. I will not take anything personnally no matter what names you call me. ;-)… No seriously Im here for you and will continue tokeep you in my thoughts.. PS you are one tough cookie…..!!!!!!!! and I admire you so much

  • itchbay

    Just sending you more hugs. It’s a tough road you’re on. You almost fucking died! Your life went on a crazy roller coaster ride, and then took a really scary turn into some seriously scary shit. If I knew the magic words to help you get through this, I would totally share them with you.

    Unfortunately, I think it’s just a matter of time and self-kindness. And lots of tears, and cussing, and calm moments when you think everything is gone, and then a sudden return of anger and sadness. Just be gentle with yourself.

  • mabeall

    I love you and am so proud of you. Its ok to have these feelings
    and it will take time to get through everything. You just go ahead
    and say what you need to say. There are a lot of people who
    would love the honor of listening and supporting you.

  • lisa

    love you sweets… hang in there.

  • M.J. Putnik

    Take a deep breath. You’re alive…for that I am truly grateful. I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t want to even pretend to know how you feel because I don’t. But, I want you to know that your writing has made an impact on me. Your voice is powerful, and your thoughts are deep. The only thing I want you to know…is that I will be thinking about you 100% xxoo

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