Let’s do a brief status update, shall we? I’m officially 1 month post-op today, so it seems appropriate.
Physical healing: |———¦–| 90% complete.
I only put 90% because I really am not privy to the state of the insides as, while my skin may be translucent, it is not transparent. Things feel generally better, I move a lot better, and the majority of my bruising has disappeared, sending me back from technicolor to, well, pasty pale. I’m still on some restrictions, as I’m being treated as a Cesarean section patient, without the benefit of having a baby at the end of it all.
Mental healing: ¦–|————| -10% complete
Yes, that is a negative sign in front of the 10. I am seriously fucked up in the head. Way more than I expected to be. Not only that, but it’s like it’s all hiding and comes out when I least expect it and at the most inopportune times. It comes on suddenly and viciously to the point that sometimes I don’t know who I am. It isn’t just because I lost a baby, though I will not deny that that is a good size part of it. I’m also trying to wrap my head around the fact that I almost died. DIED!!!!! Really? What the fuck?
In my attempts to get through this, there may be some more emotionally charged/ranty/angry posts in my future. I may set them to password protect, I might not. I don’t see the point in setting them to private, because that defeats my purpose in general, and it’s my blog and I can do what I want (see? Unexpected. Just as I typed that I was getting angrier and angrier. It’s bizarre.)
Here’s the scoop. If there is a post that is password protected, you are more than welcome to send me a message and ask for the password. I’m not going to password protect them to make sure no one reads them…the opposite, in fact. I’m doing it because they will not likely jive with general over-all witty banter I normally attempt to write with. They might be dark for all I know…because sometimes my head feels very dark. So, feel free to send me a message on FaceBook or Twitter, and I’ll share. After all, I did at least pass Kindergarten.