There’s a day for everything…

…and this time it isn’t the card companies out to zap you for more money.

Evidently yesterday (May 1) was International Babylost Mothers Day.

While it’s not something you will ever see on the calendar you buy in the store, I think it’s a nice little piece of solace for those who have lost a child prior to it’s birth (and for those keeping score, yes, there is a corresponding day for fathers…sometime in September.)

Right now, with everything being rather new, and me still healing physically (more in a minute), I’m kind of ambivalent about the whole thing.  Am I a mother, even though I’ve never given birth?  I’m really not completely sure what the answer to that question is.  We’ll see how I feel in a few weeks, or months, or however long it takes me to process all the information.  I did however, think the flower was pretty and put it up as my FB profile pic (it’s been awhile since I’ve taken any pics of myself.)

Anyway…a bit of an update on my physically, if you’re interested:

Staples were removed this past Wednesday.  I will say this…that was an odd sensation.  The only time I’ve ever had stitches (not staples) was when I had my wisdom teeth out, so I had nothing to go on as far as how it would feel to have them removed.  Thankfully it was relatively painless, with a little pulling or stinging here or there.  Once everything is all healed, I’ll have a lovely rail-road tie looking scar across my belly.  Fun stuff.  Part of the reason there was little to no pain is that the incision line and surrounding area are actually, well, numb.  It’s kind of surreal.  There is also an area on my neck that feels the same way, where they had placed a central line (that contraption was interesting…it had 3 ports…so bizarre to have something sticking into your neck.)

I’m starting to look less and less like someone beat the shit out of me.  I bruise easily to begin with, but add to that the heparin shots I received while in the hospital, and I looked like I was trying to change colors.  My most egregious bruise would be the one around my scar, which is mostly due to the little bleeders that eventually stop themselves.  It’s really quite phenomenal, and stretches from hip to hip.

My most troublesome body part though, is actually my left arm.  While I was in surgery, they had to replace a large blood volume (and I’m sure other fluids) and they had to do it quickly (I’m personally seeing a scene where someone is squeezing the bag which is flowing wide open in a large bore IV, but that could just be my imagination.)  When I came out of surgery, my left arm was swollen to what felt like twice it’s normal size.  Seriously…I had Plumpers hot dogs for fingers (they managed to get my rings off before it got to the point where they had to cut them off, much to The Boy’s relief…he was the one who actually managed to work my engagement ring off.)  I’d say it took about 5 or 6 days for the swelling to come down to the point where my hands look very similar (I can wear my wedding ring, but not my engagement ring yet, which is a quarter size smaller.)  However, my forearm is seriously bruised, to the point that a light touch is painful and I can’t straighten my arm.  My thought is that, in addition to being my transfusion arm, I must have banged my left arm when I was trying to transfer from the couch to the gurney, and then from one gurney to another.  I’m just hoping it works itself out soon.  It’s getting rather aggravating.

Other than that, I’m just kind of chilling out, resting a lot (I love naps), and watching a lot of NetFlix.  I’m cleared to go back to school after May 16th, so I’m in the process of making arrangements for make-up exams, since I’ll be missing all my finals.  Since much of the past week has been spent on narcotics, this week will be when I can finally stay conscious for a long enough span of time to accomplish some studying.

I tend to feel at a bit of a loss regarding how to end blog posts so, for now, toodles!

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About maggyruth

Mid-thirties, Mid-Atlantic transplant. Fiber-artist, hidden poet, health educator, student. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I swear sometimes. Especially when I'm mad. Deal with it. View all posts by maggyruth

3 responses to “There’s a day for everything…

  • Michelle Robb

    Peggy you are amazing! Thinking of you!

  • Deanna

    Wow that’s a lot of physical and emotional healing to do. Hang in there girl. You’re in my thoughts.

  • Traci

    Well whenever you do process it, remember that what your feeling is okay (I know that sounds like major cumbaya BS) but hear me out. Some people process things differently and sometimes it’s delayed. So whatever you do just give yourself a break, don’t be so hard on yourself. I know I don’t know you so this is major unsolicited (what sounds like) advice. But I just think we live in a rough world and we need to not be so hard on ourselves for being human. (If you want to give it back, I need this advice too.)

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