“These are my confessions…”

(and the only reason I’m even aware of that song is because they sang it in a mash-up on Glee.  Yes, I am a dork.)

I have been self-destructive.

I have been self-deprecating.

I have been not so nice to myself.

And I’m now stopping.

Being married is definitely different.  I have found that what I expect of myself as a wife is not necessarily what my husband expects of me as a wife.

I suppose it’s useful to have these kind of conversations, if only to keep yourself from going completely bat-shit crazy.

Which I did last week (just ask him…it was pathetic.)

Now, really, I need to cut myself some slack.  There have been huge (ok, that should be HUGE) changes in my life in the past 2 months, with more to come down the road.  Both the boy and I are adjusting to living with another human being.  In the process, I’d decided I wanted to be SuperWife (cape and all) and try to make the perfect home and have dinner on the table (or at least almost on the table) when he gets home (which is much later than I care for some days…but it is what it is.)  This was all despite the fact that I KNEW he didn’t expect this…I still expected it of myself.

It wasn’t working, and I felt like crap because of it.  It didn’t help that the place was still a disaster of boxes, because I felt like I was managing my time so poorly and not getting anything done.

Ugh.

Oh, and don’t get me started about working out.  My goal has been to start P90X and get a kick butt workout in 5-6 days a week.  I talk to the boy about this, and find out that he has an aversion to working out at home.  You should work out in a gym.  Well, buddy, in order to get into your gym at work, I need a doctor to sign off, which I don’t have.  And neither of us want to pay for a gym membership when I’m going to have access to fitness centers at school this fall.  But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be able to workout for the rest of the summer.  So, I declared I was going to work out at home, and I have been since this past Monday.

And yeah, I’ve been home sick.  I miss my friends something fierce. I haven’t really made any here yet, though I am working on finding outlets for meeting people (book clubs, Weight Watcher meetings, etc.)  And I’m trying out for a musical.  Yikes! (Yes, I CAN sing, for those of you who didn’t know.  I’m not a professional by any means, but I got some pipes.)

So, over the past weekend home life has been resolving itself.  There is a larger ratio of unpacked to still packed boxes.  We have the television and entertainment center set up and have watched all 6 Harry Potter movies.

And right now we’re both sitting on opposite ends of the couch, on our respective laptops.

At least we aren’t holding a conversation via IM.  We are actually using our voices to talk.

I love the man I married, and I love being married.  I’m just adjusting (we both are,) and there’s quite a bit of adjusting to do.

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About maggyruth

Mid-thirties, Mid-Atlantic transplant. Fiber-artist, hidden poet, health educator, student. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I swear sometimes. Especially when I'm mad. Deal with it. View all posts by maggyruth

4 responses to ““These are my confessions…”

  • Sarah Thomas

    Trust me . . . we miss you too.

  • Deanna

    Adjusting is hard. Married life can be hard in general. But, I know you guys love each other a lot and will work it all out. Keep talking to each other. 🙂

  • playdeezgames

    Find a Cafe. I’d suggest diner, but you probably don’t want to be around greasy food.
    Go everyday for a week or two.
    Go for a large, consistent stretch of time of more than 2 hours at a crack.
    Don’t sit in a corner, and don’t look otherwise unapproachable.
    You will either a) make friends or b) at least meet some people who will make you feel better about yourself because you aren’t as bad off as them.
    Occasionally, c) both of the above.

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