Yesterday we had a mini-tarot reading exercise at breakfast. I pulled the card “Fight” and was told that it meant that there was something I need to stop fighting. It left me in a mood for pretty much the rest of the day.
We visited two areas of Los Quinchos today-the Farm (the 2nd stage for boys in the program after the Filter House) and Yahoksa (the area where all the girls in the program live). We weren’t at either place for very long, just as we weren’t at the Filter House for very long the day before, but that hour was enough to leave a permanent imprint on my heart.
During process time in the evening (after a meditation session that had left me wide open), I just thought about how much I wanted to protect them all, and how I couldn’t, and how beautiful they all were. These children had either been living in the streets and addicted to paga (a shoe glue) or their had been living in very harmful home situations. They all smiled and laughed and played (as children are wont to do). Their resiliency is inspiring and frustrating…because children shouldn’t need to be so resilient.
I still don’t know what it is that I’m fighting. I’ve been fighting things for so long that I’m past the point of being able to figure it out. Maybe it’s that I need to figure out what I’m fighting for.